Our wonderful weather came and went, as it tends to do in this country. We’ve had nearly two weeks of dull, rainy weather now, and although I was unhappy about it at first, today I’m relishing it. The last two days, the rain has been coming down properly, rather than depressing us all with a constant, pathetic drizzle, and today a gale has struck up, buffeting the attic in my parents’ house where I’ve come to visit. I went out for a walk earlier, when the rain had died down, and fell in love with the wind all over again.
It’s a happy kind of time for me now, though I am occasionally paralysed by moments of doubt and despair. I am the kind of person who fears, most of all maybe, repeating my own mistakes. If I cannot learn from past unhappiness, it is rendered pointless. And as a person who feels emotions very keenly, I sometimes feel I do not have the strength to face some of what I have in the past.
But these dark patches are few, and even the dullness and boredom of this mandatory research project I don’t care about cannot bring me down. Maybe I will finally learn to stop over-analysing, and to simply step into and live in the moment. I am full of hope.
Still, some nicer weather would be good, if only to encourage me to take photographs again!